Dear Tallulah,
You'll have to forgive my leaving you hanging, but as you know, I have guests. I've also had time to redirect my anger.
I did call Kevin's mother an idiot. At the time, I felt very justified and self righteous about it too. I have listened to her prattle on about race issues, Obama in office, finding Kevin a wife and about her wanting to be a grandmother. I may have been right in calling her an idiot and even Kevin and her husband agreed with me, but still I find myself feeling bad about it. Since I last wrote, it has not been an easy task to play the gracious host but I got to thinking, "Why am I directing my anger towards Mary?" When I stopped for minute, I realized that she is operating under the assumption that Kevin is telling her the truth, and he's not. She has no idea what part I play in Kevin's life and therefore no way of knowing when and if she is stepping on my toes. She loves to use, "I'm your mother, I can do what I please...." line with Kevin and perhaps in their mother and son world that's ok....Kevin lets her use the master bath (even if it is really Kevins and my bathroom), Kevin indulges most all of her whims and wishes...of course she thinks she can come here and "rule the roost". I've been directing my anger at the wrong person and I can't even apologize, now that I realize how moody and uptight she must have thought me. I would never call my own mother an idiot, no matter what I am thinking, so it is one of those rare instances when I wish I could take back what I have said. At this point, I can only treat her with the respect and care that most mother's deserve from their children's' spouses...even if she doesn't know I am an in-law (so to speak). I will continue to try to educate her on gay issues, but more gently. And I will continue to make her omelette's to order and pick up her wet towels, but with a bit more sympathy, the kind one reserves for those less informed, through no fault of their own.
Perhaps given some time after this stay, I may again revisit their vacation here with a healthy dose of humor. For now though, I am off to deliever a piece of apple pie to Kevin's mom...as she watches TV in my spot on the sofa.
It's easy to negotiate "the rest" when love is enough....but how to negotiate love....when "the rest" is not enough?
More soon, I promise,
love and kisses,
Steve
You'll have to forgive my leaving you hanging, but as you know, I have guests. I've also had time to redirect my anger.
I did call Kevin's mother an idiot. At the time, I felt very justified and self righteous about it too. I have listened to her prattle on about race issues, Obama in office, finding Kevin a wife and about her wanting to be a grandmother. I may have been right in calling her an idiot and even Kevin and her husband agreed with me, but still I find myself feeling bad about it. Since I last wrote, it has not been an easy task to play the gracious host but I got to thinking, "Why am I directing my anger towards Mary?" When I stopped for minute, I realized that she is operating under the assumption that Kevin is telling her the truth, and he's not. She has no idea what part I play in Kevin's life and therefore no way of knowing when and if she is stepping on my toes. She loves to use, "I'm your mother, I can do what I please...." line with Kevin and perhaps in their mother and son world that's ok....Kevin lets her use the master bath (even if it is really Kevins and my bathroom), Kevin indulges most all of her whims and wishes...of course she thinks she can come here and "rule the roost". I've been directing my anger at the wrong person and I can't even apologize, now that I realize how moody and uptight she must have thought me. I would never call my own mother an idiot, no matter what I am thinking, so it is one of those rare instances when I wish I could take back what I have said. At this point, I can only treat her with the respect and care that most mother's deserve from their children's' spouses...even if she doesn't know I am an in-law (so to speak). I will continue to try to educate her on gay issues, but more gently. And I will continue to make her omelette's to order and pick up her wet towels, but with a bit more sympathy, the kind one reserves for those less informed, through no fault of their own.
Perhaps given some time after this stay, I may again revisit their vacation here with a healthy dose of humor. For now though, I am off to deliever a piece of apple pie to Kevin's mom...as she watches TV in my spot on the sofa.
It's easy to negotiate "the rest" when love is enough....but how to negotiate love....when "the rest" is not enough?
More soon, I promise,
love and kisses,
Steve
You truly are a southern gentleman, including that southern most state, the aloha spirit filled Hawaii. Well done young man, well done.
ReplyDeleteSo dignified. But ... I'm guessing your next post will be not as meLLow?
ReplyDeleteSounds like quite the production. I hope Kevin realizes how good you are to him! You must really love him!!!
ReplyDeleteI think there are other issues at play... and perhaps before you challenge K's devotion and rose colored mama glasses, (aside from the closeted walls of gender preference), you should set up the ratio of K/M :S/B. What are the differences? The similarities? How does there relationship reflect the good and bad of yours? Does it even matter?
ReplyDeleteThe closet issue is so delicate...I can't even imagine how to calmly approach that with K, especially since he unknowingly puts you in the place of a casualty of nondescision and closet wars.
You are an insightful, brilliant spirit who sometimes can see and perceive more than the above average bear. Remeber that when your compassion wears then. Most of us our human to a degree and sink from there...
all love all the time
xoxo